Tag Archives: Loveline

2022 Relationships are vital and… confusing. That’s why I asked Dr. Chris Donaghue onto AEWCH 180 to talk about how to navigate them!

23 Feb

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Happy New Year! Here’s the fifth episode in my series on How To Live in 2022. The first, AEWCH 175, was with occult scholar Mitch Horowitz; the second, AEWCH 176, is on why reincarnation matters for us now; the third is AEWCH 177 with philosopher Zena Hitz on how and why to be an intellectual; the fourth is AEWCH 178 on using mysticism and the tarot in 2022 with Jessica Dore; and AEWCH 179, the fifth in the series is about living in community and organizations with Dean Spade.

But at the foundation of all our lives is sex – even if we are not inclined to identify with this or that sexuality, it is our origin story – and relationship – whatever kind of relationship I might be in. While world events seem to take up so much of our attention, in some ways the real action is at the level of fantasy, relationship, desire, lust, gratification, doubt, dear, confusion, and pleasure.

So I asked my friend, sex therapist and relational philosopher Dr. Chris Donaghue back onto the show. Chris is the author of Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture and Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life. Chris has been on the show twice before. Waaaay back on AEWCH 10 and then again on AEWCH 56.

Chris and I have a wide-ranging discussion as per usual on the show. But we both bring our own psychological (in my case psychoanalytic) and spiritual perspectives to bear. I hope this episode is helpful and illuminating.


WHAT BOOK YOU SHOULD READ? I don’t like many pop-psych relationship books, but one I still think about – even though I read it over ten years ago – is David Richo’s How to Be an Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration. It’s not a perfect blueprint for sex and relationships, but there are so many bits of wisdom and seeds of contemplation in that book that I think it can be helpful for everyone.

WHAT OTHER AEWCH EPISODE YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO? The obvious pairing for this episode is AEWCH 159 with my friend Duncan Trussell. There’s not much to say about it other than it was recorded in the middle of one of the hardest relationship moments of my life. I don’t think it’s “brave” to have recorded it. But I do think, based on the feedback that I received, that it might be helpful for others or at least help diminish loneliness.

WHAT SHOULD YOU LOOK INTO FURTHER? One of the greatest tools I pull on when I’m having a relational emergency, I turn to The Work of Byron Katie. It’s a simple but profound tool for slowing down, and encountering the other through your own thinking. Watch some videos of Katie’s work in action, and then take it on yourself in your own life.

MORE ON CHRIS Chris is extremely prolific, so aside from his books (linked above), it might be a bit difficult to know where to start. Thankfully, his website gives tons of links. He also has a great Instagram which offers up thoughts and prompts for you to reflect on each day.

Until next time, be kind and horny with each other.

The State of Sexuality 2019: Dr. Chris Donaghue returns to AEWCH to set us, um, not straight.

15 Jan


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My friend the sexologist, author, and radio show host Dr. Chris Donaghue is back on AEWCH as part of my “The State Of” series of AEWCH in January! At the opening of 2019, I’m reviewing the state of something in 2019: what’s on the scene now and what to look for in the coming year! I couldn’t think of anyone better to discuss the State Of Sexuality 2019 than Dr. Chris Donaghue! The episode comes right on the heels of the release of Chris’s new book Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life which is the first good self help book on relationships to come out in…ever?

We talk about how academic jargon keeps people out of meaningful discussions, whether or not sexuality is political, the fourth wave of feminism and foursomes, looking back on sexual experiences with curiosity, how our identities intersect with our sexualities, how to talk about the political content of adult scenes without condemning the desires for it, desire shaming, why sex is everywhere and safe, why sex and porn addiction don’t exist, the benefits and problems of “body positivity”, the problems with “enthusiastic consent,” how to heal sexual assault and end it culturally, and more!

SHOW NOTES are here.


Conner + Dr. Chris Donaghue talking sex and culture

13 Oct
Welcome to Episode 10 of Against Everyone with Conner Habib
I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far without talking at length about sex yet. Well, that changed, of course, when I invited one of my closet colleagues over: sexologist, author, and co-host (with Amber Rose) of Loveline, Dr. Chris Donaghue!
Chris is one of my closest colleagues (as in, we share the same approaches to thinking about sex), and he’s constantly reinvigorating my interest in a subject that I’ve been studying and working with for over a decade.
  • When you talk about sex, you’re condemned by pop culture and bureaucracy (this goes on for quite awhile, because there’s example after example): 2:25
  • This condemnation is happening for everyone, it just rises to the surface when you enter the public sphere 9:55
  • Hypersexualization meets sexphobia to create a frustration culture: 10:30
  • Sex shame in the self help section: 13:55
  • Your own sexual liberation is a lifelong project 15:45
  • The surprising places sex negativity springs up 16:35
  • New age fundamentalism masquerading as healthy sexuality 18:20
  • Dismantling “balance” and going for excess to be healthy and fully realized: 19:45
  • “Balance” is just another name for monogamy: 21:35
  • Sex IS the teacher: 23:00
  • To learn about sex, seek some discomfort: 28:45
  • How monogamous partners often police and trap each other: 30:50
  • Wittgenstein explains pornography 33:55
  • My favorite adult scene to watch: 38:30
  • Why bisexuality does and does not exist: 40:10
  • Are new terms for sexual identity politics valuable?: 43:10
  • Conner feels fat, and that makes him a top: 47:55
  • Individuality vs Individualism: 1:01:10

The show notes, including three books Chris recommends, are here on my patreon!

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Thank you!