Tag Archives: Sex Positive

QUEER NON-BINARY SEX REVOLUTION NOW! It’s Andrea Lawlor on AEWCH!

18 Jun
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Friends,
Just when I felt like I was getting bored with queer culture, I was thrown back into it and out of my blinkered, jaded bullshit by the queer radical author, Andrea Lawlor and their novel of full frontal sexual liberation, Paul Takes The Form Of A Mortal Girl! It’s a novel about a shapeshifting postpunk anarchist, and is, I believe, more like me than any other novel. In some ways, this is the most sexual episode I’ve ever done, because we center sex the whole time. I cannot recommend Andrea’s novel enough. It captures a time, but more importantly, captures a style of spirit and a current of queerness that is so vital for the world’s anatomy today.
We talk
  • desire and detachment
  • my crush on a frat boy singing “Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates
  • centering sex in our politics and literature
  • how “sex = death” has been replaced by “sex = harm” (and how that marks progress and stagnancy)
  • sex as a teacher
  • where our limits as readers are or should be, and how hyper-literalness harms our experience
  • how sex and transformation relate to fairy tales
  • is trans a universal condition?
  • how sexual liberation allows us to be full human beings
  • indie rock and zine culture as queer expression
  • how queerness brings intensity, relief, and brilliance into living

SHOW NOTES are HERE.

XO
CH

  • JR

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Sex & The Occult: Conner Habib talks with Christian occultist and sexuality research Lisa Romero on AEWCH 68!

30 Apr

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AEWCH68 Title CardFriends,

So excited to finally be talking directly about sex and the occult on my show, and there’s no one I’d rather do that with than author and teacher, and Christian occultist Lisa Romero!

Lisa has written multiple (excellent) books on meditation and spiritual development, but the one that drew me to have her on for this episode was her excellent book, Sex Education and the Spirit: Understanding Our Communal Responsibility for the Healthy Development of Gender and Sexuality within Society. It’s a book that looks at sex and sexuality from a developmental perspective, but in a spiritual way, rather than from a materialistic perspective.This episode goes really deep and presupposes your ability to go on the magical mystery tour with us. But there are lots of insights to be had by the secular as well. I hope whatever your belief system is, you’ll stick with it.

We discuss:

  • what sex is, anyway, from a non-materialistic view, especially in the light of the evolution of consciousness.
  • how we all have individuated relationships to sex (and what that has to do with freedom).
  • the scientific definition of sex and why that matters now.
  • how sex and attraction get confusing when different aspects of our being get into conflict with each other.
  • why a Christian occultist approach to sex never takes the form of “don’t do this.”
  • how sexuality gives us the ability to transform our lives and bring our spiritual development forward.
  • the Catholic Church developing its response to sex in response to the Reformation.
  • the problems with the sex positive movement.
  • the four levels of attraction and how they relate to the subtle bodies.
  • displaced sex as a creative process.
  • what anthroposophists can learn from Freud and Lacan.
  • why masturbating men should hook themselves up to the power grid.
  • why Conner doesn’t do or care about “sex magic.”

Show notes are available here.

XO, CH

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CONSENT IS NOT ENOUGH: I talk with feminist icon, Laurie Penny on AEWCH 64!

27 Mar
Friends,
We need to do better in our conversations about consent. And I don’t just mean because we don’t know how to respect consent, I mean because our conversation about it is hopelessly simplistic, ahistorical, and underdeveloped. I’ll be exploring this topic in more depth on the show.
And, well, who better to speak with first than feminist author and icon (yes, the word is apt), Laurie Penny! Laurie is the author of multiple books and countless (okay, maybe not countless, but a lot) of essays. Many of those essays can be found in Bitch Doctrine: Essays for Dissenting Adults , and many of her ideas are presented at length in Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies, and Revolution. She’s also just finished writing a book on consent and season one of the Joss Whedon HBO series, The Nevers. For more Laurie, support her Patreon and get tons of cool stuff.
Laurie and I discuss:
  • the basics of consent and why it’s dual work
  • what sex work can tell us about consent
  • how desire plays itself out in politics
  • the James Deen sexual assaults
  • how women have to deal with the fall out of sexual assaults
  • what happens when your friend (or partner!) is a sexual assaulter
  • why almost every instance of abuse is also a gaslighting
  • whether or not Freud ignored abuse or went a long way to support survivors
  • why we need to support survivors speaking up and also be thoughtful about their sexual politics at the same time
  • the difference between consent as “rules” and an ethics of consent
  • Emma Goldman
  • How millennials are naming the problem.
  • The supernatural premise and politics of Laurie’s show with Joss Whedon, The Nevers.
Here are the SHOW NOTES for the episode.
Sorry for the disparity in volume between Laurie and I; she’s just a little quieter than me, and the equipment I have does best when both people speak at the same volume level. That said, I want to get new mics, and your contribution will go directly to that.
LIKE THIS EPISODE OF AEWCH? Check out AEWCH 50 with MONA ELTAHAWY and AEWCH 24 with ERIN GLORIA RYAN.

CHLP

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The State of Sexuality 2019: Dr. Chris Donaghue returns to AEWCH to set us, um, not straight.

15 Jan

 

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Friends!

My friend the sexologist, author, and radio show host Dr. Chris Donaghue is back on AEWCH as part of my “The State Of” series of AEWCH in January! At the opening of 2019, I’m reviewing the state of something in 2019: what’s on the scene now and what to look for in the coming year! I couldn’t think of anyone better to discuss the State Of Sexuality 2019 than Dr. Chris Donaghue! The episode comes right on the heels of the release of Chris’s new book Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life which is the first good self help book on relationships to come out in…ever?

We talk about how academic jargon keeps people out of meaningful discussions, whether or not sexuality is political, the fourth wave of feminism and foursomes, looking back on sexual experiences with curiosity, how our identities intersect with our sexualities, how to talk about the political content of adult scenes without condemning the desires for it, desire shaming, why sex is everywhere and safe, why sex and porn addiction don’t exist, the benefits and problems of “body positivity”, the problems with “enthusiastic consent,” how to heal sexual assault and end it culturally, and more!

SHOW NOTES are here.

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How To Destroy The Patriarchy: Muslim feminist author and radical, Mona Eltahawy, on AEWCH 50, the best episode of AEWCH ever!

4 Dec

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(Note: AEWCH is and will continue to be free as a podcast going forward, but AEWCH 50 is the LAST episode available publicly on YouTube. If you want YouTube versions of the show, go to patreon.com/connerhabib and sign up at any level; you’ll get instant access!)

Friends,

On my favorite episode of AEWCH so far, I speak with feminist author and radical, Mona Eltahawy. Mona is the author of Headscarves and Hymens: Why The Middle East Needs A Sexual Revolution, a book which has shaken the Arab world, feminist discourse, and also, on a personal note, has changed my inner life. Mona articulates what patriarchy is — and why it is our urgent task to resist it — better than anyone I’ve ever read or spoken to. Even if you have some resistance to the term (*ahem* hello, bros), Mona will help you see why this framing is so important. .

Mona and I talk about:

  • our sexual assaults and how we recovered and transmuted them into action
  • what patriarchy is, exactly, and how it enables and protects power
  • why enthusiastic consent is a problem (and how our consent is violated every day)
  • the urgent and political task of pleasure
  • why masculinity is a desire and the Brett Kavanaugh meltdown, where white male rage comes from
  • the way white people (particularly white women) pathologize Muslims (particularly Muslim women) without confronting their own issues
  • what we can learn about consent from porn performers
  • why sex isn’t and is special and why a sexual revolution is so important
  • the “trifecta of patriarchy and misogyny”
  • why we need to reject monogamy as a default relationship structure
  • why we don’t have to say “everything is political” to fight bullshit
  • how patriarchy hurts men too

I am so excited and proud to share this episode with you.

Click here for SHOW NOTES, which are free and available to everyone.

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The End Of Privacy (And How To Make It A Good Thing) on AEWCH 41!

11 Sep
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Keeping with my promise to do some sex & sexuality-themed episodes, this time I’m talking about privacy and secrecy, how “invasion of privacy” is another name for “extraction of labor,” why we need to smash out cognitive dissonance around those concepts, how old notions of privacy have been seized by corporations, why we think of corporations as people, social media, and what happens if we smash the old version of privacy and move into a notion of being more public.
Show notes are now available for everyone, and you can find them here.
CR

My old trainer, Craig Reynolds.

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The One With The Bleeding (Adult Star Missy Martinez on AEWCH!)

13 Aug

 

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Happy to have another performer on the show for the first time: the amazing Missy Martinez! We talk shop, of course. We also talk about being in relationships while making scenes, what words we prefer for our nethers, eroticizing jealousy, the technicalities of intergenerational and family scenes, on how producers waste performers’ time, what it’s like to be on set, how adult can help you let go of racism, feeling fat. If I talked too much, it’s just because I was over caffeinated and Missy makes me gay boy nervous because she is INCREDIBLE. 

You can and should follow Missy on twitter: @MissyXMartinez

Show notes, as always, are available to patrons who support the show.

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Are Bodies Our Selves?

3 Jul

 

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Hi friends,

In this episode, I talk about how desire and sex challenge materialistic narratives. And to get to the bottom of it, I take apart scientific studies of sex, investigate sexual assault, discuss the mysticism of having a wank, and explore boobs and feet.

XO
CH

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They saaaaaay…Scott Thompson is on Against Everyone with Conner Habib! (And they’re right!)

12 Jun
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PODCAST VERSION: iTunes • Stitcher • Soundcloud
Friends,
This is a huge moment for dear Habib: I got to do an episode of Against Everyone with Conner Habib with someone who changed my life: Scott Thompson! Scott, in the event that somehow you don’t know this, is a member of the iconic comedy group Kids in the Hall, author, actor (from Hannibal),stand-up comedian, and creator of the lispy sexual rebel Buddy Cole.
Seeing Scott as Buddy on The Kids in the Hall blew my young still-becoming-gay mind. I was a lonely small town kid with no one to talk to about sex or sexuality, and then there was this crazy dangerous lisping whore on TV making jokes about everything. I was electrified.
Scott and I had a great conversation, and I couldn’t stop laughing. We talk about our alter egos being our better selves, how internalized homophobia follows you around even when you come out, AIDS-era intensities, how representation fails us, ghosts, the elimination of spirituality from the left, portals to other dimensions, raccoon spirit guides,
(Note: There’s a little jumping around in the video editing to deal with technical stuff, but it doesn’t affect the audio or the conversation.)
(Oh and one more note if you want more on the alt-right and new age stuff: here’s an article by Mitch Horowitz on Salon.com)
Thanks for listening and watching!
STSmile

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Conner + Dr. Chris Donaghue talking sex and culture

13 Oct
Welcome to Episode 10 of Against Everyone with Conner Habib
I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far without talking at length about sex yet. Well, that changed, of course, when I invited one of my closet colleagues over: sexologist, author, and co-host (with Amber Rose) of Loveline, Dr. Chris Donaghue!
Chris is one of my closest colleagues (as in, we share the same approaches to thinking about sex), and he’s constantly reinvigorating my interest in a subject that I’ve been studying and working with for over a decade.
IN THIS EP
  • When you talk about sex, you’re condemned by pop culture and bureaucracy (this goes on for quite awhile, because there’s example after example): 2:25
  • This condemnation is happening for everyone, it just rises to the surface when you enter the public sphere 9:55
  • Hypersexualization meets sexphobia to create a frustration culture: 10:30
  • Sex shame in the self help section: 13:55
  • Your own sexual liberation is a lifelong project 15:45
  • The surprising places sex negativity springs up 16:35
  • New age fundamentalism masquerading as healthy sexuality 18:20
  • Dismantling “balance” and going for excess to be healthy and fully realized: 19:45
  • “Balance” is just another name for monogamy: 21:35
  • Sex IS the teacher: 23:00
  • To learn about sex, seek some discomfort: 28:45
  • How monogamous partners often police and trap each other: 30:50
  • Wittgenstein explains pornography 33:55
  • My favorite adult scene to watch: 38:30
  • Why bisexuality does and does not exist: 40:10
  • Are new terms for sexual identity politics valuable?: 43:10
  • Conner feels fat, and that makes him a top: 47:55
  • Individuality vs Individualism: 1:01:10

The show notes, including three books Chris recommends, are here on my patreon!

If you enjoy the show, please do support it!
Thank you!

CH

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