On love in friendship and relationship with my best friend, Jeb Havens, on AEWCH 161.

24 Aug

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I’ve never done an episode like this before.

Since love has been the only thing on my mind, to get to the heart of things, I invited my best friend – who was also my boyfriend for five years, to talk about love. Its transformation. Faithfulness in the other. The times I fucked up as a partner (and the times he fucked up), and more.

So I’m very happy to share this episode with my best friend, game designer Jeb Havens.

Jeb and I were boyfriends for 5 years (2002-2007), and having left that relationship became closer to each other. Jeb is more than my best friend; I think of him as my brother.

We talk about how we navigated out of a different version of love and into another, and what really being committed to a partner might look like.

I hope you find meaning in this very personal episode.


• Jeb is an internationally recognized game design consultant; here’s his website. He’s published four board games, most recently Uk’otoa, which is set in the world of Exandria (featured on the webseries Critical Role). He’s consulted on game design for game shows, apps, and designed escape rooms. He’s also a songwriter and loves doing covers with his pal Matt Zarley. I’ve included one of Jeb’s original songs, “Sudden” at the end of the episode.

• Here’s the verse from Rudolf Steiner on faithfulness. This translation is better than the one I read.

“Create for yourself a new, indomitable perception of faithfulness. What is usually called faithfulness passes so quickly. Let this be your faithfulness: You will experience moments…. fleeting moments…. with the other person. The human being will appear to you then as if filled, irradiated with the archetype of his spirit. And then there may be…. indeed will be…. other moments, long periods of time, when human beings are darkened. But you will learn to say to yourself at such times: “The Spirit makes me strong. I remember the archetype. I saw it once. No illusion, no deception shall rob me of it.” Always struggle for the image that you saw. This struggle is faithfulness. Striving thus for faithfulness, we shall be close to one another, as if endowed with the protective powers of angels.”

Until next time

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