Tag Archives: updates

Spring Has Sprung (Update!)

3 May

libraryI’m really and truly almost finished with my book, Remaking Sex (out in 2015 from from Disinformation books). Right now, I’m compiling a full publication, media appearance and movie archive, as well as overhauling my website.  If you’re a web designer and you want to help me out with that, great!  In the meantime, there’s plenty else going on.  Like what? you ask.  Well, here you go.

INTERVIEWS

Two (very different) interviews out.  One with chick-lit superstar, Babe Walker, on the crazy popular White Girl Problems website.  I talk about having a hard on for my trainers, biodynamic iris facial cream (really!), and a getting forcibly fucked by Spartans.  There’s also an old (pre-porn, actually) but kind of fun photo of me posing Burt Lancaster style, naked with some books.  The other interview is on gay hookup paradise, Manhunt, and we talk about my book, the state of internet censorship, and the guys I most want to do scenes with (no surprise that Colby Jansen and Bravo Delta are on there).

The attitude that allows people to attack women in porn is the same attitude that kept women from getting degrees at Duke University until the late 19th Century.”  – I was also interviewed by maverick feminist site Jezebel for their article on media sensation Belle Knox, the out sex worker/porn star Duke University student. The article is pretty solid.

I appeared on two podcasts – gay radio comedy meltdown Feast of Fun – which was mostly about my essay in The Stranger, “What I Want To Know is Why You Hate Porn Stars.”  And I was on the Out of the Box podcast with comedian  Rosie Tran – we go allll over the place on that one: sex, social control, relationships, etc.  It’s good stuff, and Rosie was a lot of fun to talk with.

WRITING

My thoughts on ambition appear in Adult Magazine in their monthly advice round table.  I say a bunch of stuff about fairy tales and respond to Cord Jefferson, Emily Gould, and others.  It’s a fun quick read.

Salon.com reissued my essay, “Rest Stop Confidential,” which is about having sex at rest areas in the RestAreawoods/bathrooms.  It caused a little bit of a stir when it came out, and  it’s been making the round again.  Happily, American Conservative Magazine got its bloody hands on it and decided to publicly insult me, which I count as a sort of personal victory.  The essay also appears in Best Sex Writing 2013 (along with essays by Jonathan Lethem, Carol Queen and more), which you can purchase here.

My weekly sex and relationship advice column, Free Sex, on Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger‘s site, PattiKnows, is going strong.  Recent topics include: “Four Reasons Why You Should Have Sex Right Away“, and my favorite so far, “You Don’t Have To Be In A Relationship. (Ever.).”

APPEARANCES

I’ll be presenting at the Lambda Literary Awards on June 2nd in New York, along with AM Homes, Urvashi Vaid, Justin Hall, and more.  Very excited to be a part of the event, which is the largest LGBT literary event in the world.  Truly honored.  It’s open to the public – info and how to get tickets are all listed here.

HIRE ME

As always, if you’re interested in hiring me to speak at your event, organization, or school, please click here.  If you’d like help with your writing projects – including essays, fiction, screenplays, plays and more, click here.

More soon! Love,

CH

quickly, all the new stuff

19 Mar

bed

Life is good and busy and happy.  I’m working on a new essay for this blog – a one-year later follow up of the anti-sex/anti-porn/anti-freedom of speech move to block my lecture at Corning Community College in 2013.  A lot of bizarre/fascinating stuff happened after that talk to catch up on.

 

Until then, here’s some stuff you can check into.

WRITING

I’m the newest blogger for Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger!  In my colum, Free Sex with Conner Habib, I’ll be giving sex and relationship tips weekly.  I’ll also offer up some mini-sexual history lessons – it’s all on her site, PattiKnows.com.  My first entry is a foundational one:  “How To NOT Have Sex Like A Movie Star.”  The concept is pretty simple:  Contrary to the widely-held notion that sex should be totally immersed and connected, it’s okay to think during sex.  I’m excited to be working with Patti.  She’s got a much more mainstream take on sexuality than I do, but she’s the real deal.  Smart, no bullshit, and willing to have someone like me on her site to push boundaries and broaden readers’ horizons!

My essay in the “The Banal and the Profane” series from Lambda Literary was released last month.  It details a week in my life, day-by-day.  Rather than be like, “Um, I went to the store and the I watched TV and then I jerked off” or whatever, I decided to write little vignettes about everyday reading. Reading that isn’t considered reading.  There’s one little essay each about a parking ticket, the back of a condom wrapper, bathroom graffiti, twitter, the books under my bed, and a lit reading.  It was a fun assignment, and I’m happy to be involved with Lambda.

***

My essay, “What I Want To Know Is Why You Hate Porn Stars” is up on The Stranger.  This is my first long-form essay in awhile, and it covers a lot of ground.  It was very personal: about a boyfriend of mine who struggled with me being in porn, and it’s also cultural: it dissects all the unthinking arguments against pornography.  Specifically, it takes to task a lot of the “radical feminist” arguments against porn that are really just hate in disguise.

Here are a few excerpts:

At a restaurant in New York, there was a small opening for discussion, and Alex and I talked, just a little, about porn.

It just all seems to contradict, he said.

To him, me being in porn seemed out of place in the rest of my life. I’m a spiritual person and I went to grad school. I taught college English courses and studied science. The porn, for him, didn’t match up with all of that. I started to grow quiet. I didn’t like that I was growing quiet; after all, it was my big chance to talk about my job and my choices. But framed this way, in the form of contradictions, it didn’t seem right. “Contradictions” was a word that meant I’d already lost the battle.

It’s just so dark, he said. How do you know it’s not all just coming from a dark place?

I didn’t want to shut down, so I tried to answer in a sideways manner.

In an interview, religious scholar Huston Smith was talking about his teaching job. The interviewer asked Smith how he knew, when he taught his students about all the different religions, that he wasn’t emphasizing one religion’s virtues just a little more than the others, trying to indoctrinate them.

“Because my heart is pure!” Smith said.

Because my heart is pure, I told Alex. I wish you could just look inside and see that I was doing this because I want to, and that it doesn’t make me love you any less.

But I can’t, he said. I can’t see that.

He reached over and rubbed my shoulder. It must be hard for you to date anyone, he said.

I have rarely felt so alone as I did in that moment, sitting there in New York, with my boyfriend touching my shoulder.

*

In high school, when I was a kid, a friend asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.

A porn star, I said.

It was a funny, half-formed kid’s dream, but I meant it.

I’d seen porn, like most of the kids in my school at that point, and this was before the internet. Aside from the fact that the cool kids were talking about it, I wanted to do porn because it seemed like a no-brainer. People gave each other and themselves and the audience pleasure as their job? It was an amazing prospect. I wouldn’t have to be a banker or a stockbroker or whatever. I could be a porn star.

Well, have fun getting AIDS, he said. He meant it, too.

*

Patriarchy, you say first. (Don’t worry, I won’t get into all the facts about porn being the one place where women are paid at a consistently higher rate than men.)

Once, a woman online, a “radical” “feminist,” told me I was a rapist because I subjugated women. But I’m in gay porn, I said. No, no, you’re a rapist, she insisted. I looked at her website, which was dedicated to saying trans* women were not real women and that they’d infiltrated feminism by using deception.

When you hate us that much, you might notice: You hate other people, too.

When you hate us that much, you might notice: Even “rape” becomes a meaningless word.

***

PODCASTS

On Tangentially Speaking with Chris Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn – me and Sex At Dawn author Christopher Ryan had a long, fun conversation about the nature of reality, sex, technology, and more.  I’ve been on Chris’s podcast once before and we go all over the place.  He’s the best, and it’s a great listen to get a broader picture of both him and me.  Plus,  I think we make some dumb jokes.

meandEmily

On Sex with Emily with sexologist and Dr. Drew/Loveline cohost, Emily Morse – Emily and I are pals from a couple of yeas back and we talk a lot about blowjobs.  It’s, like, our thing.  We also talk about how I got into porn and whether or not men should powder their balls (sometimes, I say.)  It’s a good, fun conversation with lots of sex tips.

OTHER

My petition to fight censorship from Twitter on their Vine app is still going!  As soon as I get enough signatures (we’re almost there!), I’m going to figure out what the hell to do next.  I’ve never done this petition this before.  So click here to sign and we’ll fight the power together.

I appeared in über-hip/totally good-looking Swedish fashion magazine Bon to talk about the politics of nudity.  The print magazine is in English and Swedish; the website is only in Swedish.  But you can google translate and look around their fashionable landscape.

I recently spoke at University of Florida as part of their Sexxx Week.  If you’d like me to speak at your school or organization, click here for info.

I was featured in an article on Jezebel about Duke University student and porn star Belle Knox.  The article focuses on the archetype of the college girl in porn – how viewers love to watch, but when there’s an actual college student making porn in real life, people lose their shit.

Still working on my book, Remaking Sex, which will be out from Disinformation late 2014/early 2015.  It’s an expose on all our attitudes about sex, and tours through science, philosophy, politics, history, economics, and more.  The book works to overturn all our assumptions and ask questions we need to ask more often (Why do we cover our private parts? Why can’t I eat a sandwich at my office desk, but not jerk off?  Why are we ashamed of masturbation?).  And it’s got a few suggestions on how we can approach sex, as a culture, in a healthier and more peaceful way.

That’s all for now.  Love,

CH

2013/2014

7 Jan

NSV019_TheMix_ConnerHabib_affilVert_5Happy to be on this side of a new year in a new city with a life that also feels totally new.  Below is my review of 2013: things I did, things that happened, things I read/saw/listened to, people I fucked and more.   But before going back, go forward –  Here’s a little update on what’s coming this year:

My book, now (and I think permanently) titled How To Learn about Freedom by Having Sex will be out in Fall this year!  It’s due at the publisher (countercultural mavericks, Disinformation)  at the end of this month.  So I’m on it every day.  I’ll be publishing excerpts here throughout the year.

My first movie of 2014, The Mix is out from NakedSword this January.  You can click here, sign up and get the scene (NSFW!).  If you click through to NakedSword via my site, I get a little kickback money, always helpful.  Anyway, I got to play a snotty writer (jeez, thanks, guys) and then get fucked by Conner Maguire (pictured below right – THANKS GUYS) while I’m hanging upside-down from a tree branch.  It was a lot of fun.  It’s the only scene I have coming out for awhile as I finish up my book.  Then I’ll NSV019_TheMix_ConnorMaguire_affilVert_3be shooting again in March.  I’ll also be making my own porn this year, with help from a few of my friends.

The Conner Loves Everyone Podcast is coming – I’m hashing out the details.  Basically it’s me, a co-host (TBA), and conversations with guests from the margins of culture.  If you have any suggestions, now’s a good time to let me know; I’m in the formative stages.  It’ll be up and running mid-2014.

I’m giving lectures around the country and will list the dates here as they come.  If you’d like me to speak at your school or organization, reach out via the info here and we’ll discuss the details.  You can also always hire me as a writing coach to help with projects.  I promise it’ll be more exciting, less expensive, and ultimately less soul-destroying than getting an MFA.

My new web series is also in the works – if it’s not distributed via Logo/NewNowNext like my last one, it’ll be up one way or another in the next few months.

I’m also dedicating more time to the blog, so you can expect at least two entries a month.  Thanks for sitting with me.

2013 Year in Review

 This post is intended to give people who are new to me a way to get acquainted, and for those who’ve been hanging with me for awhile to go deeper or check out some of the stuff that was on my mind last year.  Feel free to tell me about your year in the comments: your favorites and what you loved (and who), what you’re looking forward to, what you checked out from my lists/what you think I should check out.

LIFE

2013 was the year that marked a slow fade from being a porn star/writer to being a public intellectual.  I know that all might sound pretentious, but I’m not sure what else to call it.  I made less movies, I wrote more, I had more published, I did more media and lecture appearances. That old model of someone in the public eye who does real scholarly and thoughtful work and interacts with cultural currents is coming back (largely because of social media) and I’m happy to be a part of it, and so thankful that you’re reading this/interacting with me on twitter, listening and getting into it with me when needed.

mejustinLast year, I broke up with a boyfriend (we’re still friends, he’s awesome), I taught online courses on Sexual Revolution and Anthroposophy, I gave lectures at a bunch of schools and organizations (the Museum of Modern Art in New York – at their PS1 Dome, at Amherst College, and at the William Way LGBT Center in Philadelphia among many others). My talk at Corning Community College in New York was canceled because of sex- and porn-negativity, and it ended up being a national news story (I gave the talk anyway, and I’ll revisit the whole thing and discuss the aftermath in a one-year-later entry this March).  My NewNowNext show went on hiatus, so I left you to sexually fend for yourselves (I’m sure you’re all doing fine).  It’s archived though, including my episodes on how to top and how to kiss, in which me and my buddy Justin go at it.  Also on hiatus is my NSFW website, ConnerHabib.com – I’m reworking it to better suit everything I’m up to; so it won’t exclusively be a porn site anymore and will largely be safe for work (with links to NSFW stuff).  Or at least as safe for work as someone like me can ever manage to be.  Right now, there’s a picture of me in my undies and a redirect to here.

I moved to a new city, just as San Francisco slipped into a trend of tech-hipster-ornamentalist-conservatism (I can explain what that JDmeans someday, just let it slide).  One of the signals that it was time to leave SF was the nudity ban imposed by gay District 8 supervisor Scott Wiener.  So ofcourse, to express my irritation, I conceived of and wrote a porn series with my friends at NakedSword (NSFW) called The Cover Up about a self-loathing San Francisco supervisor named Scott Cox who hypocritically has sex with nude protestors.  It was publicized all over the country (here’s an article in the Huffington Post about it), even though the porn itself ended up being a bit clumsy and silly.  Still, the sex is, well, sexy, and I had a lot of fun with it.  Now I’m in LA.  You can’t be naked here, either, but you can certainly wear less clothing year round.  My friends have been calling me from the East Coast, telling me they’re in something called Snowpacalypse or Snowmageddon or Snownarok or Snow, uh, whatever.  Anyway, usually when they call I’m sitting under a fig tree or watching hummingbirds or something.

WORDS

I published a lot of work in 2013, so I can’t list everything here (although I’ll be creating a bibliography/CV page with everything I’ve published for this site soon).  Here are some of the highlights:

wilfredMy most read essay of the year appeared on this blog.  I wrote  “Why Do Gay Porn Stars Kill Themselves?”  shortly after Arpad Miklos and porn director John Bruno committed suicide.  Then, just after I finished writing it, another porn star, Wilfred Knight (pictured left), took his own life.  It was a rough time for everyone in gay porn, and the questions that were aimed at us didn’t make it any easier.  Often they were callous or based on a sort of urgent ignorance.  So the essay was a rebuke to anyone who would even ask the question posed by the title.  The essay also serves as a quick primer on how to make our experience creating, starring in, and watching porn healthier.

Also appearing on my blog in 2013: the final installment in my “Guys I Wanted To Fuck in High School” series – about the boy I fell in love with my senior year.

I wrote a few pieces for Buzzfeed’s LGBT section, including one about my porn name vs my birth name (Andre Khalil), and the difficulty in maintining a balance between the two.  I also wrote about the meeting point of fantasy and reality in porn, and how the distinctions between the two may be to simplistic.   I started an online column – Profanity! – at Vice, and wrote about how masturbation and internet freedom are intertwined, and about a forgotten occult science, among other things.  I also wrote critical essays  to respond to the film Lovelace, in praise of the novel Me and Mr. Booker by Cory Taylor, to facilitate examination of gay hookup apps, and to condemn writer Alain de Botton’s terrible book on sex.

My essay on my mentor, Lynn Margulis – “As Above, So Below” – was reprinted in the excellent collection, Lynn Margulis: The Life and Legacy of a Scientific Rebel.  The book is edited by her son from her marriage to Carl Sagan, Dorion.  Dorion’s a thoughtful editor, and most of the other contributors are big time scientists.  It was a huge honor to be a part of this act of love, reverence, and grieving for Lynn.  My other anthologized essay last year was “Rest Area Confidential” – my thoughts on sex at rest stops, which originally appeared on Salon.com and was featured in Best Sex Writing 2013.

SEX

meadam2

2013 began slowly as far as my movie releases, but ended with a flurry of them.  My favorites were directed by porn maverick Joe Gage.  If you don’t know much about Joe, here’s an interview with him in BUTT Magazine.  His movies are all about the set-up and the tension, two aspects of pornography undervalued by many other directors.  That focus always makes for a fun shoot: lots of dialogue, lots of eye contact.  Joe directed me in scenes with Adam Russo and Colby White for Titan Men (NSFW).  In the scene with Adam,  we’re dressed in tuxedos, talking about sex with each other’s siblings (who are celebrating their wedding to each other in the next room).  It’s typically fucked up, but in a gratifyingly sexual and well-paced way.

AFP3

My favorite movie to be in was Joe’s Armed Forces Physical.  I have two scenes in the movie, both threesome, both sort of ridiculous, both with men I was really attracted to.  One of the scenes is with performer Andrew Justice (pic of me star-struckedly fixing his collar on the right). I’ve had a huge crush on Andrew from afar for years.  Joe overheard me pining for him one day and so surprised me by putting us in a scene together.  The scene itself isn’t all kisses and hugs, but hanging out with Andrew over the weekend in the woods where we shot was.  A highlight of my career.  You can access Armed Forces Physical by signing up on the NakedSword supersite.

BOOKS

I never like “best of” lists for books, because every book is new every year.  If you’ve never heard of it, and you read and love it, it will have the immediacy of its release date.  So, many of the books here aren’t new.  But they’re new to me and I loved them.  Because I was researching for my own book, I read more on sex in 2013 than I had all together up until then.  Some of the books I really loved included: Roger Lancaster’s biting and engaging Sex Panic and the Punitive State, which explores when, where, and why panics about sex kick up in Western culture.  Relatedly, Judith Levine’s Harmful to Minors and Sinikka Elliot’s Not My Child both detail the general sex panic surrounding adolescent sexuality; Susan Clancy shows how moral furor can damage the lives of children who have been sexually abused in The Trauma Mythand Lawrence Wright focuses in on problems with memory retrieval in his  gripping narrative of a Satanic ritual abuse panic in Remembering Satan: A Tragic Case of Recovered Memory.  I reread Adam Phillips’s masterpiece, Monogamy, a series of vignettes on the problem and solution of monogamy in our culture.; every sentence is loaded with radical and profound though.

GUTGGiving up the Ghost: A Story of Friendship, 80s Rock, A Lost Scrap of Paper, and What It Means To Be Haunted by Eric Nuzum was deeply moving to me.  Nuzman, who grew up in Ohio, seemed to be describing my own struggle through teenagedom, with all its tragic missteps and supernatural pulses.  Really beautiful.  Also entertaining and paranormal was Occult America: White House Seances, Ouija Circles, Masons, and the Secret Mystic History of Our Nation by Mitch Horowitz.  The book is a catalog of the religious movements that shaped our nation.  Some have obvious occult dimensions, others are more subtle; for many readers, the movements detailed will be new (some were for me, even though I’m well-versed in all that esoteric stuff).  I also absolutely loved The Demonologist: The Extraordinary Career of Ed and Lorainne Warren by Gerald Brittle.  I listened to it as an audiobook after my interest in the Warrens was rekindled by the movie The Conjuring.  It’s terrifying and fascinating, wherever you stand on occult matters. It was my favorite book this year, and I plan to read it again.

I read lots of fiction last year, but was curiously unmoved by much of it.  That said, there were a some stunning exceptions.  Along with, like, everyone else in the fiction-reading world, I was blown away by many of the stories in Karen Russell’s new collection, Vampires in the Lemon Grove.  “Proving Up” and “Reeling for the Empire” were both terrifying and sat nestled amongst lighter, friendlier stories in this bizarre collection.  Buy it at least to read those two superb stories, which will stay with you for a long, long time.  I also really enjoyed a lot of Joyce Carol Oates stories, if not an entire collection.  My favorite was “Strip Poker,” which is about as sinister and tense as it gets.  Finally, my friend Jake Shears got me to buy one of the bleakest, most brutal books I’ve ever read, Donald Ray Pollack’s The Devil All the Time.  Serial killers, spiders, dead animals, murderous cops, darkened landscapes.  I still feel as if I owe Jake a thank you and that he owes me an apology.  Read it and laugh and then get a sick feeling in your gut and tremble.

SOUNDS

I didn’t make any of my own music outside of the shower last year, but I listened to so much.  Most of the highpoints were the discoveries of new artists or particular songs rather than albums.  That’s how things are going, I suppose; an album takes up too much mental space – we’re focusing, singing along, and thrilling to a new song and a new feeling.  An album is a landscape, a song is an evening.

Some new bands I fell in love with in the past year:  Gang of Youths from Australia – particularly their Walkmen-esque “Sudden Light”.  X Ambassadors, with their weird combination of crooning and clattering drums – here’s their single, “Unconsolable.”  Sures, also from Australia, and their echoing, progressively loud single, “Waste.”  Mariam the Believer from the band Wildbirds & Peacedrums went solo; her voice is haunting and combines strangely timed beats with a new age sensibility.  Bizarre witch music.  Here’s her video for “Invisible Giving.”

JebBands that have been around for a bit but made me happy, sad, tap my foot, close my eyes and wish I had a different life as a musician:  My friends the Dismemberment Plan reunited to release Uncanny Valley, a surprisingly warm album with music that’s not afraid to be happy and loving.  The opener, “No One’s Saying Nothing” is a favorite.  The Plan was also my favorite live show of the year.  They’ve lost none of their frenetic, crazy energy on the stage.  Natalia Kills’s album Trouble is witty, sad, catchy.  Her song “Saturday Night” was a favorite of mine last year.  My favorite electronic-meets-analog artist, Tim Fitz, released a new EP called UnsceneYou can download most of his music for free on band camp.  Panic! At the Disco continued to evolve, get better, catchier, more fun, more sing-along-able.  They incorporated some Cut Copy feel into their work and released Too Young To Live, Too Rare To Dieone of my very favorite songs “Girls/Girls/Boys” is here.  My best friend, Jeb Havens (picture right) released a whole bunch of covers last year – recording mostly in his closet while he slowly became one of the best-regarded and most-listened to signer songwriters in San Francisco.  Here’s his cover of Lady Gaga’s “I Wanna Be with You” (which eventually became “Dope”)

burqa

I feel my teenage punk rock self cringe a little when I admit that the music event of the year for me was not remotely underground or unknown.  Instead, it was the release of ArtPop by Lady Gaga. I don’t need to write much about it.  You’ve probably already drawn your lines and picked your sides with her (Though how anyone could fail to love an album with the lyrics “Aphrodite lady/sea shell bikini” in one of the singles is beyond me.)  I’ll just say, to explain this polarization, that ArtPop reveals Gaga’s biggest moment in the public eye was the only moment out of sync with the rest of her career.  The straight-ahead pop of Born This Way (and to a much lesser extent, Fame Monster) never gave people an idea of just how completely bizarre she was – meat dresses notwithstanding.  It’s not a farce.  I saw Lady Gaga play many times before “Just Dance” came out; at drag shows, in hotel lobbies, and more.  It was her, two wiry back up dancer girls, some duct tape, and a mask.  It was strange and out of place.  When she was working her way up to being famous, it was completely new and exciting.  Then she got famous, and people lumped her in with other pop divas like Katy Perry or whatever.  It’s a misunderstanding that ArtPop displaces.  Many people aren’t ready for it; the whole album is like a signal sent backward through time.  A crazy blend of Sun Ra, Arabic music, industrial, hip hop, Dub, 1970s pop, and top 40, ArtPop is amazing if you let it in.  Here’s the mindbending iTunes concert that puts many of the songs on display.

FILM

SB

Movies, movies, movies.  I saw over a hundred movies last year.  I have no idea where I got all that time.  As per custom, I’ll list my favorite that were released in 2013.  Spring Breakers and The Great Beauty seem like unlikely bedfellows.  The former is the melodramatic, loud, absurd depiction of a pretty girls wallowing in sex, drugs, guns, and freedom (plus, a corn-rowed James Franco).  The latter is a breathtaking and heartfelt look at how to live and love; often compared (too easily, I believe) to Fellini.  But both movies are movies made by editing – a trend not started by, but given permission to flourish by, Terrence Mallick’s Tree of Life in 2012.  Both Spring Breakers and The Great Beauty work to engage through a collection of images, sounds, bursts of feeling.  They’re the sorts of movie that would have been almost incomprehensible to TGBviewers before the age of the internet.  The world had to be made ready for both films.  They’re both excellent and both depend on, for some of the grandeur, being seen on a big screen.  If there’s no possibility of that, just download/stream them.  But if they show up in a theater near you, go, go, go.

I also loved Jagten (The Hunt)  which is all about the sort of sex panics described in some of the books I mentioned above.  A small town school teacher is accused of abusing one of the kids at his school, the town goes apeshit, the movie gets under your skin.  Passion by Brian De Palma wasn’t the greatest movie, but it was a whole lot of fun.  It’s a late 1980s-style film about women grasping for power in the workplace.  Watch it and let me know if you start pressing your finger to your friends’ foreheads when you insult them.  You’ll see what I mean after you watch it.  Last but not least was the Ulrich Seidl’s Paradise: Hope.  The movie is one of three in Seidl’s series; which can be watched out of order, thankfully, because it was the only one playing near me.  It’s about girls at fat camp, and it’s an oddly flat movie.  There’s nothing dizzyingly high or low about the film.  It takes its time, and evokes life perfectly.

All right that’s it for now.  Stop.  Forward again. See you soon.  Love.

UPDATES (or: I Moved To LA and You’re Going To Come See Me, Yes? Yes.)

7 Nov

standingtallHello!  I moved to Los Angeles, which is about the best thing ever.  Today I sat under a lime tree and had coffee outside.  It’s November, folks!  Anyway, the reason why I moved here was to amplify my career, to spend time with my amazing LA friends, and to wear shorts.  I love wearing shorts.  

I’ll be writing an original essay – about porn – for this site soon, but along with everything else I’m up to, I’m finishing up my first book (a manifesto about sex and culture) tentatively titled The Sex We’ve Never Had: How to Make the World Better for Touchy Subjects which will be published by Disinformation in 2014.  Look for excerpts here in the future.

Below are some upcoming Habib events, some new writing, and more.  If you want me to do an event where you live, you can always hire me to speak at your school/organization.  (You can also hire me as a writing coach/script doctor.)

UPCOMING EVENTS:

NOVEMBER 21

Risk! at the Nerdmelt Theater in La, with Jake Fogelnest, Julie Brister and more!

Risk! is a storytelling founded by Kevin Allison, best known as a cast member of the MTV sketch comedy show, The State.  Basically, I get up on stage and tell a story that’s a little scary for me to tell.  Then the other people do the same.  It’s live entertainment and it’s at the theater that Nerdist.com set up and it’s with a bunch of people way more famous than me, and I’m scared.  And also really really excited.  This is a first for me – even though I’ve given plenty of talks, and had people jizz in my eye on camera, storytelling is a whole different animal.  So come by for a Habib first, hang out, and we can share stories afterward.

November 9

Bentcon – The Queer Comics Con

Yes, I will be totally nerding out and speaking at a comic con – The GAYEST comic con there is.  I’ll be hanging around the whole weekend amidst the spandexed bulges, writing a story about the gays and superheroes for Vice.  But my actual events will be a panels on Saturday and Sunday.  Saturday – 4:00PM  “The Importance of Gay Sex in Fiction” – Talking with the other panelists and the audience about, you know, fucking.  But fictional fucking.  How to write about sex, how much to put in (har har) your work, how to not go over the top or make it corny (and how TO make it corny as well, I suppose).   Sunday – 4:00PM “Heroes: Just Like You” – Talking about my heroes and (God forbid) how I might be a role model for LGBT people.  My partner in crime Chris Donaghue (host of Logo TV’s Bad Sex) will also be on this panel!  Hurrah.  Whoever’s wearing the cutest Thor helmet gets a kiss.

***

NEW WRITING

I write a weekly column for Vice Magazine! Hurray!  My column, “Profanity!” appears just about every week (or about three times a month).  This is a huge development for me – Vice is truly cutting edge and reports from the margins of society.  They also have an excellent HBO series.  The column focuses mostly on occult/spiritual stuff and sex stuff, sometimes they overlap, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes I just go way off topic and write about whatever.  Anyway, happy to be there.

Three essays up as of this post:

Kirk Cameron Wrote the Bible”  In which I attend a screening of Kirk Cameron’s latest crazy Christian fundamentalist movie, Unstoppable.

Unstoppable isn’t a grappling with theological questions, the work of a wistfully faithful person, or a personal journey. As I’m sure you have already guessed, it’s not the work of thoughtful biblical scholarship either. Unstoppable is the full-frontal display of an egomaniac who has somehow found his way into a position of power.”

Fap for Freedom” In which I examine the explosion of media stories focusing on masturbation, and what all this new jerk-off attention means.

““This is your brain on porn” pseudoscience has left behind the old and mostly-discredited arguments of “objectification” and emphasized the problem with masturbation itself.  These neurofundamentalists tell us that science has proven masturbating to internet porn is physiologically addictive and can erode relationships.  Of course, one cursory scientific look into the data of these studies, or a critical eye toward their conclusions and the claims fall apart.”

The Un-Science of Radionics” In which I explore a forgotten occult technology that blends art with science.  And also talk about my younger self, wanking it.

“To get a handle on a controversial, discredited, and generally bizarre medical technology called radionics, here’s a story about me as a horny teenager. As a kid, I’d look up sexual words in the dictionary, creating pathetic versions of pornography for myself. The words turned me on, even the medical/sterile ones like “penis.”  The problem was I wanted more than what was on hand in most dictionaries, which were not cool enough to keep curse words as entries.  So sometimes I’d just repeat sexual words out loud, over and over again. “Dick,” I’d say. “Dick, dick, dick.” Eventually I’d work myself up enough to masturbate, and everything would be okay until my next foray into the reference section.”

***

NEW MEDIA

lick

There’s an interview with me about condoms and testing in porn, what turns me on, and whether or not I think of myself as a slut over

on the Slutist blog.

I got a shout out on superstar dating/relationship maven Patti Stanger’s blog – where sexpert Emily Morse recounts my tips on how to give a good blowjob.On Vice’s technology site, Motherboard, I’m featured in an essay about porn stars who think about and mess with the occult by occult/techno scribe Jason Louv.

On the more explicitly NSFW front, I have two new scenes out – one with Brock Avery for Cocksuremen.com and another with Dario Beck in the Titan movie, Resort.

Help Me Change the World or Whatever

I’m still looking for an intern and web designer.  The last round of applicants were amazing people, but I decided that I need to have someone close to me – so if you’re in the LA area (or close enough that you can meet with me in person occasionally), here’s your chance to be part of the whole Conner Habib mission.  Looking for someone who’s into what I’m up to – that’s the biggest requirement.  I won’t be paying initially, but am happy to provide college credit for independent studies, and to ask you what your goals are and help you along.  I’m also willing to trade writing coaching.  There are lots of details to go over – If you’re interested, send me a quick note via connerhabibsocial at g mail dot com.

Live Gay High Fives! Aka: The latest Syrian-Irish writer/gay porn star/ lecturer/anthroposophist news:

8 Mar

There’s been plenty going on here lately.  So while the next blog entry is in progress, here’s some info on upcoming Conner Habib events, as well as excerpts from a recent essay.

EVENTSConner Poster-Library-01

I was recently asked to NOT speak at Corning Community College – a decision made by the president, against student wishes.  There will be an essay up about this is soon (probably today).  But I rescheduled the talk at the  Southeast Stueben County Public Library in Corning.  If you’re in the Buffalo/Syracuse/Rochester area, please come.  The talk is free – I’ll be addressing the whole fiasco and having an open discussion with the audience about pornography and culture.  For details, see the flier to the left.

Just did  a webinar with legendary futurist and mystical thinker, Daniel Pinchbeck, as well as ex-CIA employee and psychic researcher Russell Targ.  One of the craziest most exciting things I’ve done.

Sexo_BeyondOurBodies On Sunday, March 24, I’ll be speaking at The William Way LGBT Center in Philadelphia from 12:30 – 2:00, about sexual health beyond the bedroom.  Check out the flier to the left or learn more about the Center by going to their website.

In April, I’ll be speaking at The Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco with Chris Donaghue, the host of Logo TV’s Bad Sex.  The talk is called “Sex and Your Cellphone: The Death and Rebirth of Technology, Sex, and Relationships.”  We’ll each be talking for a bit, then interacting with each other and the audience.  I’ll also be speaking at USC in Los Angeles!  I’ll post more on those events here in the future, but keep an eye out!

***

ESSAY

Recently, I read pop philosopher Alain de Botton’s book on sex, How To Think More about Sex.  It wasn’t just a hugely disappointing book from a writer that I’d previously felt some affinity with, it was dangerous and reactionary.  I was surprised at his anti-sex rhetoric, and his flourishes of fundamentalist thought.  So I wrote a review article for Full Stop magazine, an excellent online literary journal.  You can read the full review here, and below are some excerpts. 

“There are a lot of ways to go to war against sex and to champion repression. Because sexual freedoms depend on clear thinking about sex, these attacks always have a strong ideological component. Religious leaders have used The Almighty to shame the body. Psychologists have reduced vast regions in the landscape of desire to mere pathology. Evolutionary biologists and anthropologists have claimed that there is nothing essentially human about sex; that the natural male instinct is toward animalistic violence and rape, the natural female instinct is to be dominated.  Certain feminists have claimed that the act of heterosexual sex is itself an act of aggression against women.

One common feature of these attacks on sexuality, sexual liberation, and clear thinking about sex, is that they present at least one component of their arguments as self-evident. A simple example of this can be found in attacks on pornography, which often angrily and urgently detail the sexual acts in the scene — threesomes, foursomes, the use of fetish objects, rough sex, etc. — but offer little explanation as to why we should be outraged by portrayal of these acts, hoping instead that whoever’s listening will have an automatic sympathy with the critic’s unthinking revulsion.”

“or de Botton, sex is not a giving capacity; it isn’t valuable in and of itself, and it doesn’t add to life through its own merits. Instead, sex is a means to an end. One end is procreation. The other — more thoroughly examined in the book — is the temporary relief from loneliness. The result is — and Alain de Botton doesn’t seem to have noticed this — that How To Think More about Sex is a book that is far more about loneliness and alienation than about sex itself. Because alienation is the book’s main concern, and because de Botton tells us that we all feel alienated by sex, the book is permeated by and never quite shakes the feeling of Original Sin; in other words, he assumes we all start from a fallen place, since we are born into loneliness.”

“To introduce us, in the book’s worst chapter, to the “poison” of pornography, Alain de Botton brings us his thoughts via his favorite Greek, Aristotle. He writes,

‘Nobility, as Arisototle conceived of it in the Nichomachean Ethics – ‘the full flourishing of what is most distinctively

human in accordance with the virtues’ – has surely been left far behind when an anonymous woman so

ADB

mewhere in the former Soviet Union is forced onto a bed, three penises are roughly inserted into her orifices and the ensuing scene is recorded for the entertainment of an international audience of maniacs.’

One wonders if Alain de Botton has read anything about Greek culture. He might have at least tried to indicate Greek sexual attitudes and their graduation into all-pervasive sexual imagery in ancient Rome. He avoids the historical context of sexual imagery all together. For him, pornography is severed from history and starts with the Internet.”

Come give me a hug in New York = Two events, new publication, new podcast.

23 Jan

I’ll be updating with new entires soon.  In the meantime here’s what I’m up to:

Bidoun

On January 27th, I’m speaking at the MoMA PS1 Dome – the event is from 3-6.  It promises to be a completely bizarre and hilarious afternoon featuring outsider art, screenings of Jack Kevorkian’s TV show (no, really) and me.  I’ll be talking about sex, of course – and would love to meet you there.  Admission is free, and so is the hug you’ll get if you come and say hello.  Click here for the rest of the details.

The next day, January 28th, I’ve got a more low key but probably deeper presentation in Pennsylvania at The Independent Space in Kutztown (near Allentown).  I grew up not too far from there, so the event is a big deal for me, even though it’s in a humble place.  I’m very excited.  The flyer is posted below with all the info.  The title of the talk is The Sacred and the Profane.  I’ll be talking about how sexuality, freedom, and spirituality all interact, and why we have troubling dealing with all of them.  It will be a fun, light-hearted but still in-depth lecture followed by a Q&A.  It’s a pretty intimate space, so come by.  There’s a suggested donation of $5.00-20.00, with no one turned away for lack of funds.  This is the rare chance to catch me right near where I grew up, talking about the things that matter most to me.  The flyer is below, or you can click her for more.

I also just recorded a podcast with stand up and TV comic, Duncan Trussell.  I was on his show once before, and it was one of the Me and DBbest conversations I’ve ever had.  This time, we were joined by mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter and religious scholar (again – no, really!) Danielle Bolelli.  It’s a deep and hilarious conversation.  We go all over the place – from suicide to science to God to a world that is made completely out of dicks.  You’ll see what I mean.  You can download the podcast on iTunes or for free here.

I just published an essay on Reality Sandwich about near-death experiences, the problem with proof in science, and the trouble with new age beliefs.  It’s called When Proof Is Not Enough and uses the near-death experience of neurosurgeon Eben Alexander as its starting point.  I’ll probably repost the essay on this blog at some point, but if you’d like to read it now, you can check it out here.

I’ve got a lot more going on – my essay about biologist Lynn Margulis is now available in a book alongside James Lovelock, Niles Eldrege, David Abram, and more (!!!).  My essay on rest area sex is in the upcoming Best Sex Writing 2013 – alongside Jonathan Lethem and Carol Queen (!!!).  a movie from Titan coming out,  a book in the works (!!!), a podcast conversation with Emily Morse on the Sex with Emily show, and more.  As always, you can check out my web show on Logo TV’s NewNowNext website and keep in touch with me on my twitter, @ConnerHabib.

IndieSpace

10-Point Program to Embarrass Assholes + Update

29 Jun

While I’m writing the next real blog entry, here’s an update on what I’m doing, along with a little list of principles I’ve been trying to live by.

First – I recently appeared on one of my very favorite podcasts,The Duncan Trussell Family Hour, hosted by comedian and deep thinker Duncan Trussell. It feel amazing to have joined the ranks of Joe Rogan, Tim Heidecker, Natasha Leggero and others as a guest. Duncan and I discuss Christianity, gloryholes, the nature of time, porn, and more. It’s funny and deep all at once.

I also completed a new movie – After the Heist – for Joe Gage(NSFW). I don’t usually mention movies I’ve made on this blog, but Joe is an amazing director and writer, and has directed many mainstream films in addition to his huge porn catalogue. I shot three scenes in the movie and have tons of dialogue. I also have a moustache in the movie that makes me look like a
real sleazeball. Hurray! In related news, the last movie I shot for Joe,
Dad Goes to College won me the 2012 Grabby Award for Best Supporting Actor. Which actually means something about acting skills, since the other awards are for specific sexual acts.

My essay on shooting porn with straight guys (Girth Brooks and Berke Banks, to be specific), “Gay for Pay” was selected for publication in the upcoming Best Gay Stories 2012 from Lethe Press. The second half of that essay (which I like as much or maybe even better than the first) is available on my blog.

My essay on the Occupy movement has been anthologized in a great ebook – which you can download for free – called Occupy Consciousness: Essays on the Global Insurrection.  Other contributors include Russel Brand (!!!), Daniel Pinchbeck, and Doug Rushkoff.

I’ve got my regular gig over on Logo TV’s website, NewNowNext, where I hand out sex and relationship advice as best I can – generally from a cultural or philosophical standpoint. If you have any questions for me, send me an email at connerhabibsocial at g mail dot com. In fact, feel free to contact me in general.

A new website is in the works, and lots of ideas are bouncing around. I’ll keep you updated.

Finally, I’ve recently become way too interested in tumblr, where I started my own little image-and-quote-and-GIF-depository. It’s called Conner Loves Everyone, although on the page it says “YouWillFuckConner,” so I’m still having trouble with whether or not I want to fall in love with you or just get laid. Either way, the tumblr is NSFW, so proceed with caution or abandon, whichever you prefer.

The list below originally appeared on my tumblr. Of course, there are a million other things that should be on it. But the point is to start today, and fill in the rest on your own. Thanks for the love and more essays up here soon.

If you want to make the world a better place,turn yourself into someone who assholes and politicians look ridiculous next to. When you’re awesome, they’re exposed as absurd, stupid, outdated, and manipulative. Here’s how:

1. Eat real food.

2. Read books.

3. Talk about big things instead of making small talk.

4. Don’t ingest poison in the form of alcohol or drugs.

5. Dedicate your time to things you care about instead of money.

6. Meditate.

7. Meet your neighbors and be kind to them.

8. When you fuck up the above, forgive yourself.

9. When others fuck it up, forgive them.

10. Whenever there’s a fuck up, pick yourself and others up and get back to it.

Sex, Horror, and TV. Or: I’ve Been Real Busy.

25 Apr

Generally, I only post if I have, you know, a post. But I’ve had so much going on in other venues lately, that I think an update is in order.

First is my essay on The Cabin in the Woods is up on horror icon Peaches Christ’s website. Peaches Christ, in case you don’t know, is an internationally famous drag queen, horor event host, and artist. She’s currently working on a giant horror-related event with Elvira. Whoa!

Second: I’m now Logo TV’s Sex Expert, via their NewNowNext site. You send questions about sex, I answer them in a video with my standard good-natured/goofy/slutty manner. So far, I’ve answered questions about a lack of hard-ons and the right attitude for being in pornography.

Third: my first essay as a contributing writer to Salon.com, Rest Area Confidential” “came out about a month ago, and it’s on having sex at rest areas. It caused a bit of a shit storm, including a defense on Out Magazine’s site and an appearance on the Mike Bullard Show. This kind of stuff always makes a writer happy.

More? Well, yes, more. I’ve got an essay coming out in a book from Evolver Editions. It’s an essay on pornography, love, touch, and rebellion.
My essay on Occupy Wall Street is being anthologized in a free education PDF on Occupy.
Finally, my essay on Lynn Margulis will be in a collection from Chelsea Green this Fall.
More on all those as they get closer to publication.

Oh, and of course, there’s the pornography!
Thanks for coming here and check back for a proper blog entry soon!
– CH